Thursday, November 1, 2007

Silly Things.

They say you should feel happy about the small things. Else you don't get to the BIG one. Was just thinking how we just miss out on the small things in life. Things we don't consider important. but if I don't consider it so, nobody will in my life.

I feel bad seeing one more year gone as i see it. I had considered this year a year of success by the way it started. As it went by i considered it a good year, finally I am seeing it as a year begone, with nothing achieved. I remember this year for many many things. Some are too personal, others can be shared here. you know me, U know what I am talking about.

For one thing I got a chance to be photographed with two extreme machines. A F1 car and a P220 last month . I would have actually loved a Ferrari, but who gives 2 hoots. Any F1 car is a F1 car.
i loved seeing each and every part of it. The KF bird on it was too good.
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Another being a chance to finally ride the KR Puram cable bridge.
The feeling you get just going over it is awesome. That huge engineering marvel still continues to amaze me. I was always cribbing everytime i had to go below the bridge and not over it.
Finally somebody's mistake make me go over it.


Last but not the least being getting Jason to bangalore (Fingers still crossed). Finally after a lot of planning have come out with a plan. After 3 years of planning he has agreed to come to Bangalore. Partially due to my persistance that I'll come over to Pune after he said he is free during Diwali.

I have a lot of things to remember this year. Might as well say one of the best years

Thursday, August 9, 2007

ಮುಂಗಾರು ಮಳೆಯ ಗುಂಗಿನಲ್ಲೊಂದು ಪಯಣ

“ಎದೆ ಮುಗಿಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ, ರಂಗು ಚೆಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಂತಳು ಅವಳು, ಬರೆದು ಹೆಸರ ಕಾಮನಬಿಲ್ಲು…”, ಮೊಬೈಲಿಂದ ಮುಂಗಾರು ಮಳೆಯ ಶೀರ್ಷಿಕೆ ಗೀತೆ ಕೇಳುತಲಿದ್ದೆ. ಹಾಗೆ ಬಸ್ಸಿನ ಕಿಡಕಿಯನ್ನ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಸರಿಸಿದೆ. ಹಿಂದಿನ ದಿನ ಬಿದ್ದ ಮಳೆಯಿಂದಾಗಿ ಬೆವರಿಳಿಯುವಷ್ಟು ಸೆಕೆ, ಒಡೋಡಿ ಬಂದು ಬಸ್ಸು ಹತ್ತಿದ ಕಾರಣ ಇನ್ನೂ ಜೋರಾಗೆ ಮೈ ಸುಡುತಿತ್ತು. ಹಾಡು ಕೇಳುತ್ತಾ ಮುಂಗಾರು ಮಳೆಯೊಳಗೆ ಹೊಕ್ಕಿದ್ದೆ.
“excuse me” ತುಸು ಜೋರಾಗೆ ಯಾರೊ ಕೂಗಿದ ಹಾಗೆ ಅನ್ನಿಸಿ ಕತ್ತು ತಿರುಗಿಸಿದರೆ, ಗಡಸು ಮುಖ ಮಾಡಿ ನಿಂತ ಹುಡುಗಿ!
“yes please” ಅಂದೆ.
“ವಿಂಡೊ ಪಕ್ಕ ಇರೋ ಸೀಟು ನಂದು, ನೀವು ಈಚೆ ಕುಳಿತುಕೊಳ್ಳಬೇಕಾಗತ್ತೆ.”
ನಾನಂದೆ, “Sorry, I was just relaxing, you can sit here.” ಎದ್ದು ಪಕ್ಕದ ಸೀಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂತೆ.ಮತ್ತೆ ನನ್ನ ಮುಂಗಾರು ಮಳೆ ಹಾಡಿನ ಹುಚ್ಚು ಮುಂದುವರಿಯಿತು.

ಕಿವಿಗೆ ಇಯರ್ ಫೋನ್ ಹಾಕಿ ಸೀಟಿಗೊರಗಿ ಕೂತೆ. ಹಾಡಿಗೆ ತಲೆ ಆಡಿಸುತಿದ್ದ ಹಾಗೆ ಒಮ್ಮೆಲೆ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಹುಡುಗಿ ಕಾಣಿಸಿದಂತೆ! ಹೌದು, ನನ್ನ ಪಕ್ಕ ಕೂತ ಹುಡುಗಿಯೆ ಅವಳು, ಕತ್ತು ತಿರುಗಿಸಿ ಮತ್ತೆ ಅವಳ ಕಡೆ ನೋಡಲು ಮುಜುಗರವಾಯ್ತು. ಕೈಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ಕೆಳಗೆ ಬೀಳಿಸಿ, ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ಎತ್ತಲು ಕೆಳಗೆ ಬಗ್ಗುವಾಗ ಅವಳತ್ತ ಕಣ್ಣ ನೋಟ ಹರಿಸಿದೆ. ದುಂಡನೆಯ ಮುಖದಲ್ಲಿ ಪೂರ್ಣ ಚಂದ್ರರಿಬ್ಬರು ವಿರಾಜಿಸುವಂತಿದ್ದವು ಆ ಎರಡು ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳು. ಆಗಲೆ ಎರಡು ನಿಮಿಷಗಳು ಕಳೆದು ಹೋದವು ಎಂಬ ಅರಿವಾಗಿ, ಮತ್ತೆ ಸೀಟಿಗೊರಗಿ ಕೂತೆ.

ಸಹಜವಾಗಿ ಕುಳಿತುಕೊಳ್ಳುವುದು ತುಸು ಕಷ್ಟವೆ ಆಯ್ತು. ಮುಂದಿನ ಹತ್ತು ನಿಮಿಷದಲ್ಲಿ ಕಡಿಮೆಯೆಂದರೂ ೫ ಬಾರಿ ಅವಳ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಕದ್ದು ಕದ್ದು ನೋಡಿದೆ, ಅವಳು ನನ್ನತ್ತ ಗಮನ ಹರಿಸಲಿಲ್ಲ ಎಂಬ ಧೈರ್ಯದಿಂದ. ಆಕೆಯ ಮಾತಾಡಿಸಬೇಕೆಂಬ ಒಣ ಆಸೆ, ಆದರೆ ಮನಸಲ್ಲಿ ಧೈರ್ಯದ ಕೊರತೆ. ವಿಪರ್ಯಾಸವೇನೆಂದರೆ, ಆಕೆ ನನ್ನತ್ತ ತಿರುಗಿ ನೋಡುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮಾಡಲಿಲ್ಲ! ಆಕೆಯನ್ನ ಕದ್ದು ನೊಡುವ ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮುಂದುವರಿಯುತ್ತಲೇ ಇತ್ತು, ಹಾಗೆ ಕೊನೆಗೂ ಆಕೆ ನನ್ನತ್ತ ಒಮ್ಮೆ ನೋಟ ಬೀರಿದಳು. ಅಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲಿ ಆ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳಿಗೆ ನಾನು ಸೋತು ಹೋಗಿದ್ದೆ. ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಪೂರ್ವಕವಾಗಿ ಕಷ್ಟ ಪಟ್ಟು ನಕ್ಕೆ, ಅವಳ ನಗು ಸಿಗಬಹುದೆಂಬ ಮಹದಾಸೆಯಿಂದ. ನನ್ನ ಸ್ವರ್ಗದ ಬಾಗಿಲು ತೆರಿದಿರಬೇಕು, ತುಟಿ ಬಿಚ್ಚಿ ನನ್ನ ನಗುವ ಹಿಂದಿರುಗಿಸಿದಳು, ಸ್ವರ್ಗಕ್ಕೆ ಮೂರೇ ಗೇಣು!

ಅಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಹತ್ತು ನಿಮಿಷಗಳು ಕಳೆದವು, ತಿರುಗಿ ಆಕೆಯ ಕಡೆ ನೋಡಲು ಭಯ, ನನ್ನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ bad impression ಬಂದರೆ ಎಂದು ಆತಂಕ.

“ಅಮ್ಮಾ” ಎಂದು ಜೋರಾಗಿ ಕೂಗುತಿರುವ ಎಳೆ ಮಗುವೊಂದು ನನ್ನ ಆಲೋಚನೆಯ ಲಹರಿಗೆ ಬ್ರೇಕ್ ಹಾಕಿತು. ಮಗುವಿನ ತಾಯಿ ತನ್ನೊಂದಿಗಿರುವ ಬಟ್ಟೆಗಳ ಬ್ಯಾಗ್ ಮತ್ತು ಅಳುತಿರುವ ಮಗುವಿನ ಜೊತೆ ಸರ್ಕಸ್ ಮಾಡುತಿದ್ದರು. ಎದ್ದು ಆ ತಾಯಿಯ ಬ್ಯಾಗ್ ಎತ್ತಿ ಮೇಲೆ ಇಟ್ಟು ಮತ್ತೆ ನನ್ನ ಸೀಟಿಗೊರಗಿದೆ. ಮಗುವಿನ್ನು ಅಳು ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಅಳುವ ಮಗುವಿನೆಡೆ ನೋಡಿದೆ, ಮುದ್ದಾಗಿತ್ತು ಮಗು, ಆದರೂ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣಿನ ಹುಡುಗಿಯಷ್ಟಲ್ಲ. ಮಗುವಿನತ್ತ ತಿರುಗಿ ಮಗುವ ನಗಿಸುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮಾಡುತಲಿದ್ದೆ. ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನದ ಪರಿಣಾಮವೋ, ಇಲ್ಲ ಅತ್ತು ಅತ್ತು ಬೇಜಾರಾಗಿಯೋ, ಮಗು ಅಳು ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿ ನಗಲು ಶುರು ಮಾಡಿತು. ಮುಗ್ದತೆಯ ಪರಮಾವಧಿಯಂತಿರುವ ನಗು, ಎತ್ತಿ ಮುತ್ತಿಕ್ಕುವಾಸೆಯಾಯ್ತು. “ಬರ್ತೀಯ ಇಲ್ಲಿ” ಎಂದೆ. ತನ್ನೆರದು ಪುಟ್ಟ ಕೈಗಳನ್ನು ನನ್ನತ್ತ ಚಾಚಿತು. ಬಾಚಿ ನನ್ನತ್ತ ಸೆಳೆದು ತೊಡೆ ಮೇಲೆ ಕೂರಿಸಿಕೊಂಡೆ.

ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಗುವಿನ ಜೊತೆ ಹತ್ತು ನಿಮಿಷ ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಯಿತು. ಇಷ್ಟೆಲ್ಲ ವಿಧ್ಯಾಮಾನವನ್ನು ಕೂತಲ್ಲೆ ವೀಕ್ಷಿಸುತಿದ್ದಳು ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣಿನ ಹುಡುಗಿ. ಯಾವುದೇ ಉದ್ದೇಶ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದರೂ, ನನ್ನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ನಿಲುವು ಬಂದಿರಬೇಕು ಆಕೆಗೆ. ಆಕೆಯ ದುಪ್ಫಟ್ಟವ ಹಿಡಿದೆಳೆಯುತಿದ್ದ ಮಗುವಿಗೆ ಬಗ್ಗಿ ಒಂದು ಮುತ್ತಿಕ್ಕಳು. ನಿದ್ದೆಗೆ ಜಾರಿದ ಮಗುವನ್ನು, ತಾಯಿಯ ತೋಳಿನಲ್ಲಿಟ್ಟು ನನ್ನ ಸೀಟಿಗೆ ಹಿಂದಿರುಗಿದೆ.

“ಮಗು ತುಂಬ ಮುದ್ದಾಗಿದೆ ಅಲ್ವ?” ಆಕೆಯ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ.
“ಹೌದು, ತುಂಬಾನೆ ಮುದ್ದಾಗಿದೆ” ನಾನಂದೆ.
“ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಮಕ್ಕಳು ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಇಷ್ಟನಾ ನಿಮಗೆ?”
“ಹೌದು, I just love kids”ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ನಗುವ ಹಿಂದಿರುಗಿಸಿದಳು. ಮುಂದೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಮುಂದುವರಿಸುವುದು ಎಂದು ತಡವರಿಸಹತ್ತಿದೆ.
ಅವಳೇ ಹೇಳಿದಳು, “ಎಷ್ಟೊಂದು ಸೆಕೆ!”
“ವಿಪರಿತ ಸೆಕೆ ಇದೆ, ನಿನ್ನೆ ಮಳೆ ಬಂದ ಕಾರಣ ಇರಬೇಕು.” ಇಷ್ಟೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ತುಸು ಧೈರ್ಯ ಬಂದಿತ್ತು.ಮುಂದುವರಿಸಿದೆ,
“ಎಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಊರು?”
“ಮೂಲ್ಕಿಯ ಪಕ್ಕ, ನಿಮ್ಮದು?”
“ಉಡುಪಿಯ ಪಕ್ಕ ಬರುತ್ತೆ”

ಅಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಕಿರು ಸಂವಾದಕ್ಕೊಂದು ಕಿರು ಅಂತ್ಯ. ಮತ್ತೆ ಅವಳ ಲೋಕ ಅವಳಿಗೆ, ಆದರೆ ನನ್ನ ಲೋಕದ ತುಂಬ ಅವಳೇ!ಆಕೆಯ ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಕದ್ದು ನೋಡುವ ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮುಂದುವರಿಯಿತು. ಲೈಟ್ off ಮಾಡಿದ ಬಸ್ಸಿನ ಕ್ಲೀನರ್ ಹುಡುಗನಿಗೆ ಮನಸ್ಸಲ್ಲೇ ಶಾಪ ಹಾಕಿಕೊಂಡು ಸೀಟಿಗೊರಗಿ ಬರದ ನಿದ್ದೆಯ ಬಾ ಎಂದು ಪ್ರಾಥಿಸುತ್ತಾ ಕಣ್ಣು ಮುಚ್ಚಿದೆ. ತುಂಬ ತಡವಾಗಿ ಬಂದ ನಿದ್ದೆ ತುಂಬಾ ಅವಳೇ ತುಂಬಿದ್ದಳು.

ಉದಯ ನೇಸರನ ಕಿರಣ ಕಣ್ಣ ಸೋಕಿದಾಗ ನಿದ್ದೆಯಿಂದ ಎಚ್ಚೆತ್ತೆ. ಪಕ್ಕದಲ್ಲಿ ಅವಳಿನ್ನು ನಿದ್ದೆಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದಳು. ತೆರೆದ ಕಿಟಕಿಯ ನುಸುಳಿ ಬಂದ ಸೂರ್ಯನಕಿರಣ ಆಕೆಯ ಕೆನ್ನೆಗೆ ಮುತ್ತಿಕ್ಕುವುದರ ಜೊತೆ, ಅವಳ ಕಣ್ಣ ರೆಪ್ಪೆ ಮೇಲೆ ಬೀಳುತಿತ್ತು. ಸೂರ್ಯನ ಮೇಲೊಂದಿಷ್ಟು ಕೋಪ, ಅಸೂಯೆ ಬಂದು, ಕಿಟಕಿಗೆ ಹಾಕಿದ ಪರದೆಯ ಸರಿಸಿ, ಆಕೆಯ ಮೇಲೆ ಬೆಳಕು ಬೀಳದಂತೆ ಮಾಡಿದೆ. ಅವಳ ತುಟಿ ಮೇಲೊಂದು ಕಿರು ನಗೆ, ಕಣ್ಣ ತೆರೆದು ನನ್ನತ್ತ ಕಿರು ನಕ್ಕಳು. ಆಕೆಯ ನಗೆಯ ಹಿಂದಿರುಗಿಸಿದೆ.
“ನಿದ್ದೆ ಬಂದಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ, ಹಾಗೆ ಕಣ್ಣು ಮುಚ್ಚಿದ್ದೆ, Thanks for moving the curtain”
“ಸೂರ್ಯನ ಮೇಲೆ ಹೊಟ್ಟೆಕಿಚ್ಚಾಯ್ತು, ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಸರಿಸಿದೆ”, ನನಗರಿವಿಲ್ಲದೆ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದೆ!
“What!?”
“just kidding, ನಿದ್ದೆ ಹಾಳಗತ್ತೆ ಅಂತ ಅಷ್ಟೆ”ಅಕೆಯದು ಮತ್ತೊಂದು ನಗು, ನನ್ನ ನೋಟ ಅವಳ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣ ಮೇಲಷ್ಟೆ.
“ಯಾಕೆ ನನ್ನ ಕದ್ದು ಕದ್ದು ನೊಡ್ತಾ ಇರೋದು ನೀವು?, ನಿನ್ನೆಯಿಂದ ನೊಡ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದೀನಿ”
ನಿರೀಕ್ಷೆ ಮಾಡದ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ! “ಸುಲಭದ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ, ಆದರೆ ಉತ್ತರ ತುಂಬಾನೆ ಕಷ್ಟ”
“ಇರಲಿ, ಏನು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಹೆಸರು?”
“ತೇಜಸ್, ನಿಮ್ಮದು?”
“ನವಮಿ”
“ಮುದ್ದಾಗಿದೆ ಹೆಸರು, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣಿನ ಹಾಗೆ”
“ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣು!, ಎನದು?”
“ನಿಮ್ಮ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ನಾನಿಟ್ಟ ಹೋಲಿಕೆ, ತುಂಬು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳು, ತುಂಬಾನೆ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿವೆ”
“Interesting and thank you”ಮುಂದುವರಿಸಿದಳು, “ಕದ್ದು ನೋಡಬೇಕಾಗಿಲ್ಲ, ಹಾಗೆನೇ ನೋಡಿ”
“ಕದ್ದು ನೊಡುವುದರಲ್ಲಿ ತುಂಬಾ ಸುಖವಿದೆ”
“ನಾನು ಕದ್ದು ನೋಡಬಹುದೇನೊ?” ಸ್ವಗತವೆಂಬಂತಿತ್ತು ಅವಳ ಮಾತು.
“ಉಹೂ, ಮುಜುಗರವಾಗತ್ತೆ ನನಗೆ”
“ನನಗೂ ಆಗಬಹುದಲ್ಲ..”
“ಕಷ್ಟ ಆದರೆ ನೋಡಲ್ಲ ಬಿಡಿ”
“ಅಷ್ಟೊಂದು ಇಷ್ಟ ಆದ್ರೆ ನೋಡಿ, ಪರವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ”ಅದೇನೋ ತ್ರಪ್ತಿಯ ನಗು ನನಗೆ.ಮತ್ತೆ ಮೌನ, ಹತ್ತು ನಿಮಿಷ ಕಳೆದಿರಬಹುದು.
“ನಾನು ಮುಂದಿನ stopನಲ್ಲಿ ಇಳಿತಿದೀನಿ”ಮೌನವೇ ನನ್ನ ಉತ್ತರ, ಅದೇ ವಾಕ್ಯ ಇನ್ನೊಮ್ಮೆ ಉಸುರಿದಳು.ಮತ್ತೆ ನೀರವ ಮೌನ, ನನ್ನ ನೋಟ ದೂರ ದಿಗಂತದತ್ತ ನೆಟ್ಟಿತ್ತು.ದೇಹದಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಶಕ್ತಿಯ ಒಗ್ಗೂಡಿಸಿ ಕೇಳಿದೆ,

“ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮೊಬೈಲ್ ನಂಬರ್ ಕೊಡ್ತೀರ?”ನನ್ನ ನೋಟ ಇನ್ನೂ ಆಕೆಯ ಕಡೆ ತಿರುಗಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಆಕೆಯತ್ತ ತಿರುಗಿ, ಅವಳ ಭಾವನೆಗಳನ್ನು ಅರ್ಥ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮಾಡಿದೆ, ಕಷ್ಟ ಅನ್ನಿಸಸುಮ್ಮನಾದೆ. ಒಂದು ನಿಮಿಷದ ಧೀರ್ಘ ಯೋಚನೆಯ ನಂತರ, ಆಕೆಯಿಂದ ಉತ್ತರ ಬಂತು!
“I want to be very honest with you! ನಾಳೆ ನನ್ನ engagement program ಇದೆ, ನಮ್ಮ ಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ.”
ಮನದಾಳದಿಂದ ಅರಿವಾಗದಂತ ಹೊಸ ನೋವಿನ ಉಧ್ಬವ ನನಗೆ.ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣಿನ ಹುಡುಗಿ ಮುಂದುವರಿಸಿದಳು,
“ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮೊಬೈಲ್ ನಂಬರ್ ತಗೋಬೇಕು, ನನ್ನ ನಂಬರ್ ಕೊಡಬೇಕು ಅಂತ ನಂಗೂ ಅನಿಸುತ್ತಿದೆ, ಆದರೆ ಮುಂದೆ ಏನು ಅನ್ನುವ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ ಕಾಡುತಿದೆ. ನಮ್ಮ ಈ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಮುಖಮುಖಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಂದು ಭಾವನೆ, ಕ್ರೀಯೆ, ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ರೀಯೆ ನನಗಿಷ್ಟವಾಯ್ತು. ನಿಮ್ಮೊಂದಿಗೆ ಇದ್ದಷ್ಟು ನಾನು ನಿಮಗೆ ಸೋಲುವೆನೇನೊ ಎಂಬ ಭಯ. ನನ್ನ ತಂದೆ-ತಾಯಿ, ನನ್ನ ಮದುವೆ ಆಗುವ ಹುಡುಗನ, ನಾಳೆಯ ನನ್ನ ಬದುಕಿನ ನಿರೀಕ್ಷೆಗಳನ್ನೆಲ್ಲ ಕೆಡಿಸುವೆನೇನೋ ಎಂಬ ಆತಂಕ”ಒಂದು ಪೇಲವ ನಗೆಯ ಹೊರತು ಬೇರೆ ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ರೀಯೆ ನನ್ನಲ್ಲಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ತಲೆ ತಗ್ಗಿಸಿ ಕೂತೆ, ಸೋತು ಬಿದ್ದ ಯುದ್ದ ಕೈದಿಯಂತೆ.
“ಬದುಕಿನ ಪಯಣದಲ್ಲಿ ದೊರೆತ ಮಧುರ ಕ್ಷಣದ ಹರಿಕಾರ ನೀವು, ಮರೆಯಲಾರದ ಹುಡುಗ, ಮರೆಯಲಾರೆ ಕೂಡ, ನಾನಿನ್ನು ಇಲ್ಲೇ ಇಳಿಬೇಕು.”ಎದ್ದು ನಿಂತು ಅವಳ ಬ್ಯಾಗ್ ಎತ್ತಿ ಹೊರ ನಡೆದಳಾಕೆ, ಹೋಗೊ ಮೊದಲೊಂದು ಕೊನೆಯ ನೋಟ.ಬಸ್ಸು ನಿಂತು, ಅವಳು ಇಳಿದಿದ್ದು ಅಯ್ತು, ನನ್ನ ಯೋಚನೆಯ ಲಹರಿ ಇನ್ನೂ ನಿಂತಿಲ್ಲ!ಬಸ್ಸು ಮತ್ತೆ ಹೊರಟಿತು, ಕೊನೆಯೇ ಇಲ್ಲದ ರಹದಾರಿಯ ಕೊನೆ ನೋಡುವ ಛಲದಿಂದ, ತನಗೂ, ಈ ಮನುಷ್ಯರಿಗೂ ಯಾವ ಸಂಭಂದವಿಲ್ಲವೆಂಬಂತೆ.ಕಿಟಕಿಯ ಪರದೆ ಸರಿಸಿ, ಕತ್ತನ್ನು ಹೊರ ಹಾಕಿ, ಆಕೆ ಹೋದತ್ತ ನೋಡಿದೆ, ನನ್ನತ್ತ ತಿರುಗಿ ನೋಡಿ, ಮತ್ತೆ ತನ್ನ ದಾರಿಯ ಅನುಸರಿಸದಳಾಕೆ.ಬಟ್ಟಲು ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳ ಮತ್ತೆ ನೋಡುವ ಆಸೆಯಾಗಿ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಆಕೆಯ ದಾರಿಯತ್ತ ನೋಡುತಿದ್ದೆ.
“ತಿರುಗಿ ಒಮ್ಮೆ ನೋಡು ನನ್ನ, ಹಾಗೆ ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ” ಮನಸ್ಸಿಂದ ಹೊರಬಿತ್ತು ಭಾವನೆ ಹಾಡಾಗಿ, ನನಗರಿವಿಲ್ಲದೆ.

music: ಎದೆ ಮುಗಿಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ, ರಂಗು ಚೆಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಂತಳು ಅವಳು, ಬರೆದು ಹೆಸರ ...

Monday, June 18, 2007

I Feel Like.....

Feel like browsing thru those inked pages,
Feel like fighting with myself today

Though those lanes dint me a thing other than pain,
Feel like getting lost while passing thru those lanes today

Got to know that Love is an innocent spark that will burn me one day,
Feel like pushing myself in that fire today

My face feels cold coz of dampness of tears,
Feel like drying up these tears in winter’s sun

Had been really hard to recollect myself after braking down many times,
Feel like spending few moments with her and then break down again today…

Its been long I have been drinking in her thoughts,
I feel like getting lost in her thoughts today…

Its been long these eyes have been waiting for a glimse of her,
I feel like seeing her one last time, after which I can sleep forever from today

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Love

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words 'I love you..' So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say 'Take care' or 'Don't drive too fast' or 'Be good'.

But really, these are just other ways of saying I love you. You are important to me. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and the meaning never gets communicated at all so the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.

Therefore, we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says 'I love you' even though the words might be saying very different.

The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.

We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise..

Listen for Love and you will find that the world is a very loving place . . .

Monday, April 30, 2007

Memories Kill Me and Ignorance fails me.

I have been wondering for sometime now, Why do I feel sad when someone close to my heart leaves me. Then I remember the saying "You look back, You end-up laughing thinking of the moments you cried. But U cry thinking of the moments you had laughed" Very true indeed. The other day I was browsing through our college community on Orkut. I found some guys had uploaded links for photographs of our college. This was a real nostalgic moment for me. They had posted pics of most of our usual hangouts. I brought back memories of olden days(or is it golden). Each place had (atleast) one story associated with it, each a moment of laugh we had shared. One site led to the other and by evening I had browsed through 15 sites atleast. This covered every inch of Nitte.

Even after I shutdown my PC, I was still in my college. I could not think of anything else apart from that. Those sweet memories......
I also saw a couple of pics which had made me heartbroken then. These are the moments that make me laugh now. There were hundreds of pics which had made me happy then. I almost cry looking at them now. Why I am missing my college days so much. Why am I missing so many people. I try ignoring most of it telling " no, this is not important. That was just a phase in my life" But ignorance doesn't help. My heart knows its not true. By night I ended up having a heavy heart. I never know the meaning of heavy heart till now. Yesterday night while I was sleeping(trying to) my thoughts flying else where and suddenly I thought of my college, and I felt my heart going heavy.

I for once decided not to think of my happy moments in life. But now I have realised, that can't be done. people change with what is convinient to them. This makes some hearts, breaks many hearts. I had never understood Why this should happen. But I now know, I must have done this myself before. I have changed a hundred times to make my current being. One persons decision affects a bigger number of peoples' lives. I don't want these memories. 'Yeh joh yaadein hai, sabhi kaante hai. MiTado inhe. haTaa do inhe.....'

PS: Here I mention college days intentionally, but it must be replaced by many other things. Many other people to be exact.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

WHY????....

This is the question that haunts a man all his life. It gets even worse when he doesn't get an answer. This question grips U from the time of your birth. You are still in its its grip when you are in your death bed.

The questions that follow "why" differ depending on your age. The question of an infant could be Why is this person carrying me all the time? Why is nobody else carried? Why are all surrounding me this way, haven't they seen a person sleep before?
Why do i have to cry everytime i an hungry? Why is this person trying to clean me up? I dont need a bath. Why is she talking to me in that alien language?
Simultaneously the answers will be rolling in your parents minds again with a WHY. Why does this child cry when I put him ? Why cant he shutup if there is no one around him? Why cant he keep quite is he is not carried? Why is he not yet crying... he should have been hungry by now? Where on earth does he get himself this dirty? Why is he not telling "MOM", I have been trying to teach him this for a month now?

But as you grow your area of questioning changes. Mon Why do you always make the same curry for dinner? Why cant you finish my homework while i paly out? Why cant I watch TV all night as dad odes it? And of course Calvins classic Why does the sky become red when the sun sets? these questions are natural. Its good as you get to know the way to live.

Then your quarter life crisis hits. This is when you badly search for answers. And ofcourse fail miserably. Why doesn't she look at me? Why doesn't she return my smile? Why are all behind the girl I am? etc etc. but what is still haunting me is....

Why doesn't anyone... I mean anyone tell me I love You. I have tried all the desperate means. Though i know many people who love me, they never tell me I love you when I badly need it. I try all desperate measures to get one. I bump home and announce Hi dad, Love you..... Why doesn't he reply back, love you too son. i message my best friend, love you... why does she start off. "oh manju, this is so nice. I never thought you would still love me after our last fight". I mail Jason "hey Jason etc etc etc .... love U buddy" why does he reply back "thanks and regards, jason" Come on... somebody tell me I love You....

Still my question is why do i go to such drastic measures for an I love U.... like announcing it, messaging it, BLOGGING IT? Why?

by the way there is a comments section if you wanna write something......

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Somebody somewhere... for me???

Was thinking of old friends today

And how many of them have slipped away.

Moved, got married, or stopped calling so much,

Found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch.

It reminded me of falling leaves.

Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees.

Some stay longer than others, but eventually -

Each leaf must fall, I'm told,

Leaving the tree alone to face the cold.

Why is it that in the time of utmost need

The leaves would seek to leave the tree?

And when we need our friends around

We look and they can not be found?

Of course these friendships come and go

And in the spring new leaves will grow.

But I prefer autumn friends of old

With crackling laughter and colors bold.

It saddens me now I must admit

How somehow, someway, I did forget

Laughing with old friends of mine

During summers when the sun would shine.

And then I thought of you.

That one stubborn leaf that won't let go.

That clings despite the winds that blow.

Fighting ice, and snow,

and winter's stings Hanging on right through till spring.

So I guess that's what you are to me -

The very last leaf to leave the tree.

I know it seems silly, but it's true.

When I see that last leaf...I think of you.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Bangalore - City of Dreams????

Bangalore - termed as the fastest growing city of India, hailed as an air-conditioned city and regarded as the garden city, is no doubt my first love. I have grown up in this city, and also have seen the city grow. Cannot help but comment on the tremendous growth the city has seen in the past 20 years. While my growth has been inch by inch, Bangalore's growth has been exponential. Be it in any way. Try digesting this - When Bangalore was termed 'Pensioners Paradise' the city saw a huge growth in the number of pensioners. Even today the old areas of the city live Basavanagudi or Jayanagar have 30% pensioners. it would have been more a decade back. With Pensioners came their children. They needed something for their livelihood. They converted jayanagar into their business district. With them came their necessities of tins. So 'outskirts' of bangalore was selected for industries. This saw Peenya becoming the largest Industrial area in the whole of Asia. then in 1990 a prominent IT firm made bangalore their outsourcing centre for cost cutting purposes. This saw the IT boom in bangalore.
Then came the actual transformation. The transformation of bangalore from being the 'Pensioners Paradise' from being the 'garden City' to an "Asphalt jungle" Now the city provides a vast opportunity for people of all proffessions( sans Bollywood as its in bombay). No wonder i dont miss my collegemates from mangalore. i find all of them in Bangalore, be it any branch of enineering. I remember getting many calls from my friends in Mangalore, telling happily 'hey Manju I ot a job in Bangalore" I remember many planning to settle down in Bangalore, only to comedownand and be woken up to the reality of lands rates that have sky rocketted, traffic speed reduced to walkin speed(12KMPH average) cost of accomodation more than your salary.
Do you still believe Bangalore as the city of dreams?? I do. You need to be a minute observer to get the minute details. Walking around the peaceful parks lying in the middle of busy areas, Going to the hotels established as early as 1943 to a mouth watering treat of MasalaDosa. I still believe Bangalore is the city of dreams. Not where U dream of the golden days when u could reach electronics city in 15mins,but were U zoom past in the metro rail in 15mins by 2010. I dream of all this in my 2hr journey towards Electronics city.

Dreams Shattered

IT WAS a fine morning and I had woken up gently by the first rays of the winter sun in my room. It was not exaggerattion when i heard the whether is pleasant down south. I stood for a few moments at the window, savouring the morning breeze and then got ready for my first day to office.

I was dumbstruck by the amazing office complex they had built. My reasons for choosing this particular company were many, foremost being the brand name. Having 3 offers in my hand it was a tough call to choose a company far off from my home. Then i remembered someone say home is where the heart is. On my way to the office i heard some one humm the tune of 'dreams shattered by Johnny hates Jazz'.

So much for your promises
They died the day you let me go
Caught up in a web of lies
But it was just too late to know

I wondered back then how can someone like such a depressing song. I was floating my own world of dreams i had to fulfill. This company would lead me to my dreams.



Woke up to reality
And found the future not so bright
I dreamt the impossible
That maybe things could work out right

To be continued........

Friday, January 5, 2007

Local trains faster than Planes, vada paav better than 5 star hotel buffet

Yes you read the subject line right. That’s the thing I felt is driving Bombay.

My first impulse on landing in a gaun (they call it so) of New Bombay was ‘if their gaun is so good, how would their sheher be’
We didn’t have to wait for long to find out. We were on our way to the city of Mumbai after a visit to our host’s place. Being my first local train travel
I was pretty much excited (needless to say, I wasn’t let down) Was equally fascinated by the way we changed trains in two stations for our connecting train.
This was when I got to know the importance of time for people in Bombay. Thanks to the expert guidance by our host cum guide we managed to get in and out of the trains on time. Here we started or ‘chaatful’ tour of the city. Eating at all the Chaat outlets we could lay our eyes on. Their Best busses would really be the best. I don’t know much about these stats. But this is fun as well. Though time consuming and a bit expensive compared to the previous option.

Anyone who has been to Mumbai will remember all the sounds, that are so much Bombay. the sounds of the local trains whishing by, Horns, raunchy music from a taxi blaring away, the trung trung of a BEST bus, the afternoon namaaz, and who can forget the eunuchs and their steady beat ( aye hero!!! While we were in the taxi) and not to forget the beggars—all so much a part of Bombay and so inseparable. Pigeons. So many of them at anywhere u find a place. Forget that how many pigeons near our host's place in the morning. I was woken 2 days by pigeons.

Bombay! A city of contradictions— there are a few I found. Roaring traffic on a busy market road (Hajiali). well dressed men and women sharing a crowded local compartment with fishermen heading to the city with their best catch .

In short if u plan to live in Bombay, try watching time with every step. I am told If u promise someone you would reach in 30mins then U have to(also will) reach in 30 mins. If u are addicted to anything there, that’s it. You would not have it from anywhere else. Thanks to the Mumbai Vada pav I don’t eat vada pav any where in Bangalore after this trip. Some comparisons anyone would draw would be:
1. Unlike in Bangalore where people are relaxed and lazy, in Mumbai people are more active and they got their priorities straight.
2. I was surprised to see big roads without any pot holes and speed breakers. In almost important places, the roads are wide enough and people can just zoom through. If you are hit forget it, I don't think anyone would help you they have to reach their office in time.
3. You see somebody and smile in Mumbai they would smile at you. In Bangalore try it, you might get a scorn look. People are more friendly in Mumbai. (tried this in train)
4. Everybody in Mumbai thinks you know Hindi. Not so in Bangalore.
5. Bangalore life starts at say around 1700Hrs. Mumbai life starts at hmmmm… haan forgot it, previous days life has not yet ended.. how will the next day start.
Or life is always on the go. Or else how can u have ice cream at 3Am in the moning. This is Bombay that never sleeps

Finally, missing vada pav, Mumbai and our host J (I know u would kill me if I haven’t mentioned it, but I mean it this time) wonderful trip to a wonderful city, with a wonderful host.